Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Protect your rights!

Matt Haver thinks that U.S. immigration laws should be enforced, and displayed two bumper stickers to express that viewpoint.

Which is why they vandalized his car.

Matt, old buddy, what you need is a ...

First Amendment Protection Kit

Contents include:
  • One or more firearms.
  • Ammunition for the firearm(s).
  • A variety of Second Amendment bumper stickers.
These items are available at most better sporting goods stores, although if you don't like dealing with a lot of paperwork hassles, classified advertisements are a useful source of information on private firearm sales.

And please be sure to follow these guidelines:

Vandalism Prevention Tips
  • At ranges of 50 yards or less, use a shotgun -- pump action is preferred, because the mere sound of a shell being chambered will generally cause the desired "piss and run" reaction.
  • At longer ranges, however, a good deer rifle is the best choice. There are few spectacles more amusing than a "liberal activist" who's just heard a .30-o6 round whistle past within a yard of his ear.
  • If you wish to report the vandalism to your local police, make the 911 call after you've returned your firearm to a safe and secure location. (Safety first!)
  • Police officers responding to your vandalism report may also make reference to noise complaints in your community. Exercise your right to remain silent. Remember that the Fifth Amendment also applies to decent, law-abiding American citizens like yourself.

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!
In addition to discouraging vandalism, the methods described above can also help prevent such crimes as burglary, robbery, car theft, rape, murder and domestic abuse.

Several factors can put your personal safety at risk:
  • Age
  • Sex
  • Race
  • Marital status
  • Political affiliations
  • Religious beliefs
  • Occupation
  • Sexual orientation
  • Residency in a "liberal" community
If such conditions put you at heightened risk of crime, your life, health and safety may depend on your willingness and ability to exercise your Second Amendment right to armed self-defense. Remember:
  • Regardless of efforts in some communities to infringe a woman's right to armed self-defense, statistics clearly demonstrate that the pistol in a woman's purse or glove compartment -- those little chrome .32s are so cute! -- is less dangerous than the penis in a rapist's pants.
  • Every year, more women are raped than rapists are shot. This is the one area of sexual inequality that every woman can do something to correct.
  • It is better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

WORDS OF EMPOWERMENTTM
The most "empowering" words you will ever speak are those spoken when you've got a round in the chamber and the safety in the "off" position.

Depending on the situation, these words may be spoken before or after your criminal assailant (a) exhibits the "piss and run" response or (b) begins bleeding to death.

You should speak your Words of EmpowermentTM only when you are certain that the immediate danger of harm has been averted. Remember: (a) round in the chamber; (b) safety off; (c) aim carefully.

If you are a member of an oppressed minority group, your Words of EmpowermentTM can be used to reflect your status. For example:

Female
"So sorry to have deprived you of the opportunity to rape me. (Aim at his crotch.) Would you also like me to deprive you of any future opportunities?"

Elderly
"Don't move, Sonny. I'm 87 years old. They can deliver my next Social Security check to Death Row, as far as I care."

Black
"Trigger? Did you just say something about a trigger? It sure sounded like you said 'trigger' ...."

Jewish
"Thanks for dropping the spray paint can. And it's really nice of you to provide this swastika decoration for our synagogue. Memories are so important to our community. So while we wait to see if the paramedics get here before you bleed to death, let me tell you the story about how the Warsaw Ghetto uprising started with just a few Jews and a few guns ...."

Homosexual
"Now ... call me 'faggot' just one more time."

-- McCAIN

UPDATE:

Linked by Dan Riehl at Riehl World View.
Whole Wheat Blogger has
"profiled" the vandalism suspects.