Monday, May 01, 2006

What really matters: NASCAR

Ever since moving to D.C., I've been convinced that most of what's wrong in Washington could be fixed if some of these folks could be sent to the infield at Talladega for one weekend a year.

Sunday was a rainout, creating a three-day weekend in Alabama. (I'm told that half the rednecks in the state changed their names to Lopez so they could take Monday off. Viva la raza, y'all. ¡, Se Puede! )

Some people talk about Daytona, but there is nothing to compare to Talladega for serious rednecking. Even a Harvard-educated lawyer -- sometimes mistaken for David Lee Roth -- can't resist the primal urge, as his wife explains in an e-mail:
Yesterday at church I found myself telling everyone that David was "worshipping at Talledega Speedway," and they looked at me like he'd traded Presbyterianism for Earnhardtism.
Nancy: Earnhardtism, like Roll Tidalism, is perfectly compatible with any variety of religion in the South. Go Volism and War Eaglism, however, are still considered heresies. Anyway, I take back all the silly things I said about David. He has recently been commissioned an officer and soon will be deployed with the 122nd Combat Needlepoint Brigade.

One of the refreshing things about Real America is that you're outside the Beltway political straitjacket. Folks in Real America hate somebody besides George Bush and Hillary Clinton. Monday, for instance, seems to have been Hate Jimmy Johnson Day for NASCAR fan Rusty in York, Pa.:
What is there to say? I hate Jimmie Johnson with a passion. Right now in my righteous race fan anger, that's all I've got. What a complete waste of an afternoon.
More hatin' on Johnson from Angelface:
I hate watching Nascar now. ... Dale Jr was supposed to win but when his engine failed I wanted Tony Stewart to win and he was leading and do well but damn Johnson had to win. Nascar sucks.
Ever since #3 hit the wall, every real NASCAR fan has been cheering for Dale Jr., you see, and .. . dang those restrictor plates, says Matzah and Marinara:
And what THAT does is create giant packs of cars going super turbo, five wide and inevitably someone does something REALLY stupid and before you know it…cars that don’t have wings are going airborne all over the place.

Today was the rain delayed race at Talladega Superspeedway - a restrictor plate race. Can you tell I am not a big fan of restrictor plate racing??? I can’t help it. I just think it’s dangerous. I agree with Mark Martin and Rusty Wallace and my hero, Dale Jarrett.

Restrictor plate racing is an accident waiting to happen.

Leaving Talladega, the traffic is scary, says Beth in Alabama:
The drive home was a fight for my life. So much traffic...
Race traffic. People leaving the race to get home.
And driving like friggin' maniacs.
Beth, dear, be thankful you don't live in D.C., home of America's worst drivers -- idiots who think "merge" is an abbreviation for: "Drive to the last orange cone, then hit your turn signal." And did I mention that the Beltway is the worst-designed road in the entire Interstate system? People who can't drive and can't build a decent highway, tellin' the rest of us how to live!


DONKEY CONS: Rave review
DONKEY CONS: Another rave review
DONKEY CONS: Yet ANOTHER rave review
DONKEY CONS: About the book
DONKEY CONS: On Capitol Hill