Sunday, June 11, 2006

¡Va La Argentina!

... at least until the semi-finals, when you're gonna get creamed by the mighty USA! (OK, I gotta dream, right?)

My daughter's boyfriend is from Argentina. He was the star forward on their high-school's soccer team (they graduated in May). So the boyfriend -- whom I refer to as the "Romeo of the Pampas," or the "Latino Lothario" -- has now recruited my daughter into cheering for Argentina in the World Cup.

To show my multicultural sensitivity and support for international peace, then, I am now pro-Argentina in the World Cup, at least until either:
  • a.) The pathetic Argentina team -- which barely squeaked past Ivory Coast 2-1 -- gets eliminated; or
  • b.) The USA makes it to the semi-finals, at which point I'll cheer for them to stomp the crap out of Argentina; or
  • c.) I can get the Department of Homeland Security to respond to my repeated requests to have the Argentinian boyfriend deported.
In the meantime, I'm cheering for Argentina and pretending that I know something about World Cup soccer (a sport that Third World people ignorantly call "football"). I mean, Crespo and Saviola are OK I guess, but ... are you sure Maradona can't come out of retirement? Just give him some illegal drugs or something.

By the way, when my daughter was 12, I took her to hear a speech by her hero Margaret Thatcher, who knows a thing or two about how to deal with Argentina. Like her hero Maggie, my girl demands unconditional surrender!

-- McCAIN