Monday, March 27, 2006

New Yale "outreach" announced

For decades, patriotic Americans who love education have been indebted to Young America's Foundation, who now bring us ...

No Terrorist Left Uneducated

New Yale Applications Sent to Gitmo

HERNDON, VA – Are you a terrorist currently looking for an Ivy League education? If you are, there’s no need to search any further. It’s unfair to devoted Jihadists everywhere that Rahmatullah Hashemi, the Taliban’s former Deputy Foreign Secretary, was the only terrorist apologist admitted into a Yale classroom.

To ensure that Hashemi’s brethren are not overlooked in their pursuit of Islamic dominance, Young America’s Foundation assisted with the Ivy giant’s request to formalize a process through which Guantanamo Bay’s finest are also eligible for a coveted Yale slot.

Among other things, Yale’s new Special Studies Degree Program asks applicants to explain the “relationship between stoning, tolerance, and mass murder while indicating how compassion should be shown in the religion of peace.” In addition, applicants should submit a picture demonstrating their loyalty to Allah.

Pictures that were successful in the past feature images such as the sword of Islam, severed heads, fully-armed camels, and assault or rocket-propelled grenades. Due to lack of storage space in Yale’s facilities, the school asks applicants to refrain from sending actual severed limbs or heads, scalps, cartons of blood, etc.

There has been concern, though, amongst the terrorist community at Gitmo regarding unusually long stays and how that would affect enrollment status at Yale. If you fall under that category, Yale unveiled a system of telecommunication feeds that will travel from New Haven to Cuba. Even the dirty caves of Afghanistan are in reach of Yale’s breakthrough educational technology guaranteeing that no terrorist will be left uneducated!

The Yale application can be downloaded at and sent to:

U.S. Naval Station
Guantanamo Bay
Public Affairs Office
PSC 1005, Box 25,

FPO, AE 09593-0025

Interviews are available upon request
For more information contact Jason Mattera
at (800) USA-1776 or (917) 754-3425


MY QUESTION: All kidding aside, what's the educational benefit of sending terrorists to Yale? They already hate America.

DONKEY CONS: About the book